Why don't we SAY -- I love you!

I didn’t grow up in a house where we said I love you. It’s really amazing to me to see how some people commonly say I love you these days.

I know my mother loved me, but I can count the times on my hand that she told me she loved me.
It was not until I was grown that I heard her say it.
I never really thought much about it as I was growing up. I just figured people didn’t really say it unless it was a special occasion, or you wrote it in a card when you signed it. Kind of like a by the way, Happy Birthday, Love your mama.

I saw people say it on TV in shows but that wasn’t real to me. I had relatives who I saw once a year who said It, but they had to because they weren’t going to see you.

So saying I love you wasn’t necessary because it was just supposed to be understood. You know I love you, don’t I show it. I buy you clothes, I keep a roof over your head, you have food, all of your needs and some of the things that you want. Don’t you know that means I love you. I shouldn’t have to say it, I show you. That was the philosophy.

But it just seems unnatural to me not to say it.
It’s almost like it’s bursting to come out, but we won’t let it.
Like we’re afraid it makes us venerable or weak.
If I tell you I love you, I won’t have control over you anymore.
So we repress the words and avoid them. We choose to show it in other ways. That’s cool and I’ve learned how to read the cues, but I still like to hear it.
It’s reaffirming.
It’s refreshing.
And it’s truth and serum for the soul, especially for a child learning where they fit in the world.

I kiss my son and tell him I love him all the time.
I also chastise him and am stern with my words sometimes.
It balances out, the good and the not so good.
He needs to hear all my tones and words. The ones that are re-affirming and positive and those that speak truth and reality to him.
He can’t just hear only one side.
He needs to know I’m real and human just like him, even though I am his mama.
And that sometimes I will tell you that I love you.
And sometimes I will tell you that you are two minutes away from Lebonheur Children’s hospital.

He needs to KNOW and HEAR me say I love him.
He needs to feel that my love is unconditional. That no matter what happens, I still love him.
No matter if he succeeds or fails, is happy or sad, is motivated or lazy, is straight or gay, is blind or a visionary, is selfish or giving, is loving or unkind, or greedy and ungrateful(God forbid).
He is who he is and I need to love him for that, because he is my child.
He doesn’t have to make himself worthy to get my love.
This doesn’t mean I don’t try to instill the values in him that I believe are important.
It doesn’t mean I don’t hold him accountable for growing up and becoming responsible.
It just means, he may turn into a different person than the one I’m trying to clone and if he does, I have to love him for that.
And he’s already showing me he’s his own little man.
And I’m grateful.
I’m grateful he’s here and he’s who he is.
(Even though he’s still not fully potty trained and almost four.)


So as I remember my own upbringing and what it felt like to be a child,
I remember I must not only show him love but I must also say, I LOVE YOU IAN.

And I don’t just tell Ian.

Have you told someone you love them today?