Dreamers

Some of us are dreamers, we dare to believe.
We know that hope inspires and lifts the clouds.
We take the leap, though we fear the fall, that is where our courage lies.
We see the outcome as what it could become and not what it's been.
We forge ahead despite the darkness overshadowing the light.
We are passionate and powerful, yet fearful and fragile.
We dare to dream because WE exist!
We are alive, a life, a force, a spirit, a being.
We dream in color.
We dream with feeling and on purpose.
We are not afraid to believe in the possibilities.
So we paint the picture, dance the dance, sing the song, fight the battle, live the life, love the lover, feel the joy, welcome the pain, accept the challenge, run the race, walk the walk, talk the talk, and we feel the power!
DREAM ON MY FRIENDS....DREAM ON!!!




I wrote this in Kansas City after I'd gotten back from my 25th year reunion from Washington High School in KCK. I was inspired by seeing people I shared a common bond with. In high school, I was afraid to love people fully for fear of being hurt. I hope I'm never afraid to love again!

My mother's saying about life and my thoughts again as I embark upon 2013

I don't know what it is about time that makes things more clear, probably wisdom. Age is an inevitable process to gain wisdom. When I was younger I didn't really care about that. I heard my mother's headings but only on the surface, I wasn't really digesting it. It's been seven years today that my mother passed away. I believe she's in heaven. Heaven for her could be a lot of things, including fishing on the banks of the river Jordan. I imagine she's sitting on a white bucket with a cane pole. She's got one of those bobbers that's red on top and white on the bottom. She likes to see the cork go down. She's catching panfish, crappie and bluegill. As she takes them off the hook, she lifts up and puts them in the bucket underneath her.
It's simple, but she has everything she needs. She's at peace. Peace with herself. Peace with her past life. Peace with God.


As a child, I always wanted my deceased relatives to come back and give me a heads up about life so I could do better than the did and not make the same mistakes. I imagined having a guardian angel over my shoulder telling me what's gonna happen if I marry this man or the other. I believe if they could do it, they would. However, I know that being a child of God does not exempt me from the perils of life. Grace is sufficient and a gracious plenty is all around us. we all have to walk our own path. We cannot avoid feeling, that means we are living.


I used to Always ask my mother these life questions, like how do you know heaven really exists? She would smile and say "keep living". Keep living was her comment to me for a lot of things I said. And I foolishly said lots of things I definitely was or was not gonna do, primarily involving money and men. I said things like I ain't never gonna be poor and MONEY IS really gonna make me happy. I also used to say I didn't understand why people sin and they know it's wrong against God. To me sinning was like doing something you knew you were gonna get a whooping for, why would you did it anyway?(I didn't understand you couldn't always control yourself) Then as I got older, I found myself in situations where I was begging God to forgive me and in my head I could hear my mother's voice saying... "See, I told you, keep living."


So I keep living and I keep learning. I keep trying to do better. I keep listening. I keep watching. I keep thinking. I keep reflecting. I keep letting go. I keep moving forward. I keep re-adjusting. I keep forgiving. I KEEP FORGIVING. That's a hard one for me. I KEEP FORGIVING.

Right now I hear my eight year old self saying why people always stay so mad at people? Especially people you are supposed to love? I didn't understand. I hadn't lived enough to understand the power of anger or forgiveness. If you watch children play, they get mad at one another all the time. Fighting over toys, attention or whatever is important in their world at that moment. But give them 10 minutes, they're over it and back best friends. They haven't learned to stay mad. They haven't learned to hold on to resentment and live it over and over again and play it in their heads like a broken record. They gotta as my mom a used to say, "keep living".

I was angry at my mother for most of my adult life and I didn't forgive her until a year before she passed. I regret I wasn't a better daughter.(I'll write about that later.)

Now as I raise my own child, I am acutely aware of how important my journey is. That what I say, what I do and how I make him feel are acutely important to him. The lessons I teach him are my legacy. And the the parts of myself that I give to him will live on even in my death.

I believe in evolution, the scientific explanation of how we came to be. If you look at the evolution chart, you can't dismiss the resemblance to man. I acknowledge Adam and Eve. I believe God created ALL life and ALL DNA. I don't know the formula. I just know and feel at the very core of my being that I am connected to these people before me. I have parts of them in me. I see it. I live it. I feel it. And it's in my son. Sometimes I see so much of myself and my husband's DNA in this little boy that I know for sure I am way out of my league trying to understand God. I am simply out classed.

So I just keep living. Day by day. Week by week. Month by month. Year by year. Decade by decade. A good friend of mine has a quote about parenthood that I love to share. It says the days are long, but the years are short.

Through God's grace I'm paying attention to the lessons of life and parenting. And I find myself sometimes staring at my son, Ian smiling to myself and saying out loud..."keep living".

Universal Studios,Florida

Ian at Inkwell Beach, Martha's Vineyard, MA

Bring it on!!!

I am calling myself a writer these days. Yes, I am writing a book. I've been working on it for several years now, but I am finally putting my words into action. I can't say if it will be published, but it's important for me to get it written. That's the first step on this journey. Often times we get so discouraged when things don't happen in a timely fashion, or like we'd like the outcome. Don't let Satan distract you. The devil really is a liar. STAND. Be encouraged. BELIEVE. Have Faith. I have kept a mustard seed that's in a small glass vile for several years. A woman gave it to me when I worked for channel 3. I had talked about my faith during a presentation. She told me as long as I had the faith the size of a mustard seed, God would not fail me. I have kept that vile ALL THESE YEARS. My faith and blessing have increased triple fold since those days. I am energized and ready to work. And I always keep a theme song playing in my head. This time it's Seal. Heidi Klum's hubby. I loved his music before they got married. (and btw, I think they're a lovely couple).
Seal sings.....

At first I didn't have the will to carry on,
Illusions in my mind.
Like that picture when you feel you can't go on,
Like you've been left behind.
Life goes on, now
Take me to that funky place where you and I were born.
Carry on, now
Psychedelic tendencies of love will bring it on.
chorus:

Bring it on,
Bring it on,

So what lies under.
Is your kingdom Come?
Chase it way,
Down low.
It's only life.

Don't wait until tomorrow.
Bring it on!!!!

"SWEET LAZY LIFE"

The Sweetest Days!!!

Moving On!!! Better with time

If you get a chance, listen to Prince sing "Better with Time". I used to be SO SO SO in love with Prince. I have gone through so many stages with this man that I feel like I know him through his music.

This latest cut, reminds me of the old Prince but with a modern twist. He's grown and matured. Rightfully so. It's been almost 30 years.

I often find myself looking back and thinking of the quote good ole days. But as I get older, I realize these days ARE the good ole days. If we are here to look back and remember, we are blessed. So yes, it gets better with time.

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Feliz Navidad! Joyeaux Noel! Happy Kwanzaa!

I am very grateful for this holiday season. I have so much to thank God for. My health. My wealth. My strength. My family and friends. This year has taught me many truths. I've aged and become wiser. I've learned from mistakes. I've listened to God. I've been conscious and aware. I've reflected. I've prayed. I've leaped forward. I've stood still. I've paid attention to detail. I've seen the big picture. I've been honest with myself. I've forgiven. I've moved forward. I've laughed at myself. I've cried. I've thought about death a lot. I've thought about life a lot.

There is a voice within me. She is complex yet she simply wants to be heard. I hear you girl. I'm listening to you now and forever more.

Brittini's heading back to KU

This is my niece, Brittini who is heading back to Kansas University in Lawrence for her sophomore year.
Man, I remember those days at Grambling like it was yesterday.
How things have changed for college students.
Brittini will be living in campus apartments. They are REAL apartments.
I lived in Jones hall at Grambling and let me tell you, it was no apartment!
I still have nightmares of the roaches and small space like a prison cell.
This child will have her own bathroom.
I am proud of Brittini. She plans to study medicine.

"Mr. Demil, We're ready for our close up."

This picture is so goofy to me, but I love it! Ian is into taking pictures and we captured this one while watching the pink panther.
I have never published a photo of myself without make up, so I really must love this shot.
Ian makes it all worthwhile.



This is David Haley with me at my Aunt Emma's house in Kansas City, Kansas recently.
David is the great grandson of Alex Haley. He's in the state senate in KS and hopes to get to Washington with Obama.
It's funny looking at this picture because I looked at how much we've aged. I knew David in my 20's.
He's a good guy and when he makes it to D.C., I got some funny stories to sell.

Squash the gossip!!!

Ian and I at the Snowden Grove carnival in Southaven.


I try not to gossip. People say things and I listen. I may make a comment, but I look for something positive or nuetral to say. After years in the public eye, I know what unwarranted negative opinions feel like.
Recently, someone was just gossiping away and I remembered this quote...
"small minds talk about people, average minds talk about things, great minds talk about ideas." I don't know who to contribute the quote to but I just love it.
I added my own line on at the end....Exceptional minds turns those ideas into action!

Hank & Clay graduate and Ian turns 4!

Ian chillin in his 2009 shades at the graduation breakfast.

Dabney and Daniel Hamner graduated from Peabody Magnet school in Alexandria, La.
Dabney III aka Hank (right) was the valedictorian. You just go!

Yeah, I brush my teeth and I'm turning 4!

Ian Ian Ian

Ian has been a trip this week. He's been non compliant during his therapy sessions this week.
So far so good on the diet. He's taking to veggie chips really well and yesterday I cut up green beans in his spaghetti and he ate it all.
He starts swimming lessons Monday!

Dealing with Autism

I am learning how to handle my son having autism one step at a time. Right now my journey is taking me on the step to helping his diet. For a long time, Ian wouldn't eat much of anything. I was so happy to have him eat I didn't care what it was. So now that's he's addicted to chicken nuggets, pizza, cookies and cream of wheat I find myself knowing I HAVE TO CHANGE HIS DIET.
I am going to have to do it gradually. My first step is to replace the cream of wheat with a gluten casein free hot cereal equivalent.
I'll let you know how it turns out.

Ian's turning 4!

Wow, time really does move on. Can you believe it's been four years since I went to the hospital on a Wednesday morning and came home with a baby boy on Saturday.
Well, he's doing well and saying something everyday to make me laugh.
Laugh for today: "Mr. Brian is too big to come to the birthday party."
Brian is Ian's ABA therapist.:~).